I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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