my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
