good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
