Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
