I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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