so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
