u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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