I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
