he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
