Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
