Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
