Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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