i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i want to swaddle you in tequila
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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