Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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