did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
