This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
