batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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