saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
