maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
