I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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