you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
