I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize