omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
