I cockslap morals
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
