just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
