Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
