i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize