OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
