That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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