I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
