how can u be prego again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
