You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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