What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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