shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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