she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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