Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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