Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
