question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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