My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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