So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
