Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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