We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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