The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
