their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
