watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
