Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
