he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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