I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize