I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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