So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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