i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
