The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
