so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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