remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
