We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
