Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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