I wish I could teleport
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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