once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
