he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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