kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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