Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
