Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
