LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What a dumb baby whore.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
