this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
