i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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