Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
