i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
