Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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