We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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