don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
