Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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