You smell like a Billy Joel song
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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