is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
