Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
