Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
