I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
