slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
