If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
