You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
